Animals
by orphann-account
Summary: 5 times Aziraphale said something that made Crowley touch himself alone, and 1 time Aziraphale said something that made Crowley touch Aziraphale! After a lot of millennia spent pining.
1. Rome, 41

well! this is my story baby ive been working on for a while now. there are 6 chapters planned, one posted each day! ever since the hamlet scene where zira said "buck up" i kinda couldnt stop thinking about this idea, so! here it is. also title IS that maroon 5 song, because who doesn't listen to any song at this point and think oh thats good omens? also theres snakes in the lyric video. bc crowley is snake- nvm. enjoy!

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tags for this one: masturbation, blowjobs, teasing, idk

also! this one has a second part kind of, because oyster = vagina (insert joke here). i saw a lot of fics where one or both had a vag so! if thats ur cup of tea, u can read after that bit, if not then dont! just a heads up!

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_"I hear he does remarkable things to oysters."_

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Thoughts concerning Aziraphale, Crowley believed, had started right around the time on the wall, when the angel had professed to giving away the sword. They weren't particular thoughts, but from then on had been formed around feelings of- at the very least- fondness, an affection for Aziraphale and his dumb, dumb actions, although he'd never admit it. The feelings grew generally stronger and solidified over the centuries, and he couldn't help but feel a certain amount of delight he tried not to let show too strongly in his voice every time he saw the angel.

Crowley also generally had sinful thoughts. I mean, he's a demon, of course he has them, but only in tempting citizens, political leaders, whoever. His sinful thoughts concerning Aziraphale didn't take shape until Rome.

Maybe he had planned just to drink with the angel- well, he hadn't even planned that, he had just "nipped in for a quick temptation" when Aziraphale had stumbled upon him. He was settling into drinking with Aziraphale when he said those fateful words.

_"I hear he does remarkable things to oysters."_

While his brain careened into inappropriate-things-to-think-about-your-semi-friend territory, his mouth supplied, _"I've never eaten an oyster"_, an obvious enough invitation for the angel to invite him along. He chalked it up to the fact that it had been a while since he'd seen the other being, and definitely not the fact that his brain was now thinking salacious things about Aziraphale and oysters.

Aziraphale's little stumbling over _tempting_ Crowley to the restaurant dragged his mind out of the gutter, and he couldn't help but give the other an indulgent smile, then follow him to the restaurant. Well, it had seemed a good idea, as Crowley listened to Aziraphale prattle on about whatever he's been up to in Rome, up until they got to the restaurant and Crowley had to sit still and pretend he wasn't intently watching Aziraphale slurp up oysters. It was just straight up _sinful_ what Aziraphale's tongue was doing to those oysters.

Crowley, never really one for earthly indulgences (besides sleep), ate his oysters quickly enough- pausing to make an appreciative comment for Aziraphale's satisfaction- then simply sipped on his drink, eyes settled on the angel.

The _noises, _for someone's sake. The angel would slurp up an oyster as primly as he could- Crowley's eyes definitely not settled on Aziraphale's pink tongue- and then make an annoyingly distracting _mmmm_ sound. Really, they're just oysters. How good could they be? Although, the angel did love his earthly delights. It had to make Crowley wonder if the angel indulged in other earthly delights, besides food, such as se-

Nope, nope. Crowley's brain ground to a halt- which it does usually when he thinks about Aziraphale- and he forced himself to choke down some more drink, eyes resettling on his empty plate. He made some more polite conversation with Aziraphale- the kind of polite talk you do when you're talking to your mortal enemy but he's really nice and kinda hot so of course you're not going to avoid him- and when Aziraphale had finished his oysters, Crowley was trying very hard not to squirm in his seat. He couldn't block out the noises Aziraphale was making, and so despite his best efforts, he was half-hard under his robes.

Luckily he had the table to hide under, but then Aziraphale was getting up, talking about how delighted he was the restaurant had turned out to be good, how wonderful the oysters are, really just talking _at_ Crowley and the demon is half-listening, really trying to think about anything else- anything gross- before resigning himself to his situation and getting up as well, bunching his robes in front of him to hide his dick.

He then said his goodbyes to the angel- sure they'll meet up again at some point in the next 100 years, and heads back to the place he's supposed to be staying at tonight. Sleeping. He's quite taken to sleeping.

Crowley gets inside, just to close the door behind himself and lean back against it, head thunking against the bronze door as he recounts his deeds of the day. Accidentally run into Aziraphale, check. Drinking with him turns into having lunch with him, check. Watching him do sinful things with his tongue (that the angel definitely thought were innocent) to oysters and making noises causing the demon to have lustful thoughts about him, check.

_Fuck._

Crowley groans and drags his hands down his face, very vivid memories of the angel's tongue and noises staying put in his mind, infesting every corner until his cock is back at half-mast and quickly on its way to full-mast.

He groans again, louder and more frustrated this time, as he stalks towards the bedroom. He had only been planning to stay for a bit but maybe a good 100-year nap will not only waste time he doesn't really need, but let him forget his thoughts about the angel.

He snaps his fingers to change into his underclothes- he understood it was what Romans wore to bed, gotta blend in with the locals- and collapses face-first into the bed. He has to focus on something else, think about some tasks he can do... he can tempt some people, it wouldn't be hard, he could cause political discord, maybe start building a reputation, but Aziraphale would be there to thwart him-

Fuck. He's back on Aziraphale.

He shifts and unwittingly drags his cock against the bed beneath him, causing a moan to build in his throat. No, no, nope, he hasn't had lustful thoughts about the angel before this, he can just ignore it-

His dick throbs when he thinks about Aziraphale, and he sighs. It wouldn't be... awful if he were to think about the angel. I mean, what're you gonna do, you know? It's not like he can think about any humans. Gross. And not any of his coworkers, and definitely not any of the other angels. So... Aziraphale. His only option.

He's trying to convince himself that that's why he has to think about the angel and definitely not because he _likes_ the blonde dummy, as he starts rocking his hips slowly against the bed. Fuck.

"Fuck," he whispers into the pillow, hips rocking a bit faster now that his mind has caught up with his body and images fill his mind of the angel.

_"Crowley," Aziraphale murmurs, settling between the demon's legs._

_"Go ahead, angel, use that tongue on me," Crowley mumbles back, offering his cock to the angel._

_Aziraphale smirks and kisses the head, then gives little kitten-licks across the shaft to spite the other._

_"Come on, angel, don't tease. Make some noise for me," Crowley groans, hips inching forward._

_Aziraphale acquiesces and wraps his lips around the head, making a soft moan in his throat like he does when he's eating a particularly good meal._

_"That's it," Crowley murmurs back, moans trapped in his throat as his eyes rake over Aziraphale's flushed face, and his lips wrapped in an "O" around the demon's cock. His hands wrap themselves in curled blonde locks, gently tugging the angel further down his cock, breathing heavier and heavier as more of the heavenly mouth covered him._

_Crowley watched through lidded eyes as Aziraphale wrapped one hand around that of Crowley's cock that his mouth wasn't covering, and slid the other down his own body to rub at his tented crotch. A moan rumbles from Aziraphale's mouth to Crowley's cock, finally causing the demon to let out a deep moan, tilting his head back and closing his eyes in pleasure. Then he realizes he can't see the angel, and he looks back down, slitted yellow eyes meeting angelic blue ones and Crowley whines, sliding his dick deeper._

_Aziraphale takes it, tightening his lips and sliding his tongue against the shaft, then pulling out his own cock and squeezing it. His eyes flutter closed in response to the sparks shooting up his spine, and he whines around the cock in his mouth while he starts stroking his own dick._

_"Aziraphale," Crowley moans, tugging on the blonde curls to indicate he's getting close._

_Aziraphale moans in response, lips reaching the base of Crowley's cock and sucking hard._

Crowley gasps and his eyes fly open, body tearing him from his fantasy as his body tenses and he comes inside his underwear, hips jerking against his hand pressed to the front of his underwear.

He pants as the aftershocks subside, lips turning downwards into a frown as he miracles away the sticky mess in his underwear.

Ugh.

Crowley then thinks that he can either deal with the fact that he just rubbed against the bed thinking about his kind-of-friend-really-mortal-enemy, or he can take a decade-long nap.

Yeah, the latter sounds about right.

And so Crowley falls asleep.

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Fuck. He's back on Aziraphale.

He shifts and unwittingly drags his crotch against the bed beneath him, causing a moan to build in his throat. He can even feel himself getting wet, soaking the underwear he has on as he thinks about the way the angel's tongue curled around those oysters-

No, no, nope, he hasn't had lustful thoughts about the angel before this, he can just ignore it-

His hole aches when he thinks about Aziraphale, and he sighs. It wouldn't be... awful if he were to think about the angel. I mean, what're you gonna do, you know? It's not like he can think about any humans. Gross. And not any of his coworkers, and definitely not any of the other angels. So... Aziraphale. His only option.

He's trying to convince himself that that's why he has to think about the angel and definitely not because he _likes_ the blonde dummy, as he slides a hand down his body to press against his clit through his underwear, and starts rocking his hips slowly against his hand. Fuck.

"Fuck," he whispers into the pillow, hips rocking a bit faster now that his mind has caught up with his body and images fill his mind of the angel.

_"Crowley," Aziraphale murmurs, settling between the demon's legs._

_"Aziraphale," Crowley mocks, but even that can't cover the blush high on his cheeks as he spreads his legs for the angel._

_Aziraphale grips Crowley's thighs and plants a kiss on the inside of one of them, before sinking his teeth in to make a hickey. At Crowley's resulting yelp, Aziraphale smirks. "Oh, Crowley dear, learn not to mock me when I'm in between your legs."_

_Crowley flushes a darker red and tilts his head back, canting his hips forward in obvious want, though he won't say the words._

_Instead of teasing the demon verbally, Aziraphale licks a stripe directly over the front of Crowley's panties, making Crowley let out a surprised moan. A smirk re-decorates the angel's mouth as he licks another stripe up, then rubs the point of his tongue against the demon's clit._

_At the resulting strangled, "Angel!", Aziraphale chuckles, causing vibrations against Crowley's clit and making him moan louder._

_"Angel- please don't tease-" Crowley gets out, putting a hand down to tug lightly at Aziraphale's curls._

_Crowley rarely says please, so Aziraphale acquiesces and snaps away his panties, then attaches his mouth directly to the demon's clit._

_"Aziraphale!" Crowley basically yells, grip tightening in the angel's hair as his back arches against the couch._

_Aziraphale "mmm"'s in response, causing the demon to moan in response to the vibrations, then uses one hand to slide two fingers inside the demon's hole._

_"Aziraphale- angel, more-" Crowley gasps, fingernails of his hand not buried in the angel's hair scrabbling at the couch._

_"So- needy," Aziraphale mumbles back between licking and sucking at Crowley's clit._

_"Please- I'm going- if you don't- angel!" Crowley cries out as he comes all over the angel's face, hole pulsing as Aziraphale works him through it._

_And doesn't stop._

_Aziraphale continues to curl his fingers inside Crowley and murmur teasing things like, "So wet for me," as he sucks hard on his clit._

_"Aziraphale- that's too- too much- don't stop-" Crowley squirms against the friction but doesn't push the angel away, moans now leaving his mouth non-stop as he approaches the edge again._

_Aziraphale slips a hand down to rub at his own crotch- soaked through at this point- as he thrusts his fingers inside Crowley, moaning and sending further vibrations against the demon's clit._

_Crowley chokes out a moan, "I'm going to come-" and then he does, hips twitching feebly against the angel's face._

_And yet Aziraphale kept going, drawing orgasm after orgasm from Crowley's body until Crowley can barely speak-_

Crowley wails into his pillow as he comes on his own fingers, them having slipped inside himself at some point. His hole throbs around his fingers as his hips cant against his hand, images of Aziraphale now slipping from his mind as reality comes back to him.

Crowley then thinks that he can either deal with the fact that he just rubbed against the bed thinking about his kind-of-friend-really-mortal-enemy, or he can take a decade-long nap.

Yeah, the latter sounds about right.

And so Crowley falls asleep.


	2. The Globe Theatre, 1601

The Globe Theatre, 1601

tags: masturbation, dirty talk, more teasing!

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_"I love all the… talking." "Come on Hamlet, buck up!"_

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Crowley had a good nap. In fact, by the time he ran into Aziraphale again- _Essex_\- he had managed to block the incident out of his mind. And after that, when they made the Arrangement- although the connotation of the word wasn't lost on the demon- he didn't even remember having _those_ kind of feelings for the angel. Not the soppy, fond ones- those were fine, Crowley could chalk those up to Aziraphale being the only other celestial being he regularly interacted with on Earth- but the… lustful ones.

Yeah, those ones.

He didn't have those.

At least, until Shakespeare happened. More specifically he had been invited to see Hamlet by the angel, and while he didn't like the gloomy ones, he agreed to meet Aziraphale anyway. He was almost beginning to like the blessings he had to do for the angel… just because. Not because they were for the angel. No.

And so Crowley met Aziraphale, only to be treated to the sight of Aziraphale snacking on some grapes and giving him the delighted-to-see-him eyes. Of course, it's because he's an angel and has to love everything and couldn't love a demon that way-

Anyway.

Crowley chatted with the angel, giving him that little indulgent smile as he gushes about the play. He really isn't listening- he'd like to, the angel just gets so excited- just watching him gesture and grin, until Aziraphale said something quite interesting to the actor.

"No! No, you're very good," from Aziraphale draws Crowley's attention, a sudden, surprising spark of jealousy shooting up his spine, and he tries to keep his expression neutral through the angel's next words.

_"I love all the… talking."_

Just like they had over a thousand years ago, Aziraphale's words sent Crowley's thoughts straight into the gutter. It wasn't even that sexual, the context wasn't sexual, but unbidden images of Aziraphale flushing red while Crowley dirty-talked him kept flashing through his mind.

"And what does your friend think?" Fuck, fuck, someone asked him a question. Luckily Aziraphale's stammering about not knowing him (like, really?) gave him time to recover and he made some snarky comment towards the actor. Then the play began again (ugh) and killed Crowley's mind-boner, so whatever, he could focus now.

Until.

_"Come on, Hamlet! Buck up!"_

Really, not even that sexual, until more images fill his mind of dirty-talking his- THE angel as his hips buck up against Crowley's hand.

"He's very good, isn't he?" Aziraphale asks, mostly rhetorically, and the dirty images stop as jealousy takes its place again. Crowley needs to change the subject, which he does by spitting out some quote, then convincing the angel to take part in a wager when they talk about their respective jobs. Then of course, the angel gives him the heart-eyes for a favor, yada yada, and he leaves the Theatre because if he has to watch another second of talking he's going to mildly inconvenience everyone involved in the tragic play.

Since he no longer had to be in Edinburgh for a tempting, he headed back to the place he was theoretically sleeping in (he'd like to take a nap or five) to deal with his thoughts again. He could ignore the odd sparks of jealousy he felt at Aziraphale complimenting the actor (also ignoring the thought that he wanted to be the one receiving the angel's compliments), but can't ignore his lustful thoughts now.

He had blocked the Rome-oyster incident out of his mind for long enough- a good amount of time, if he does say so himself- but the angel's words brought those lustful thoughts right back to the forefront of his mind. One of the worst parts was Crowley knew the angel meant absolutely nothing by the statements, but his mind helpfully supplied an image of the angel on top of him, eyes fluttering closed as Crowley thrust up into him, murmuring dirty things to the other-

Crowley groans and makes his way to the bedroom. The tights may have been a bad (good) idea as the fabric rubs against his not-quite-hard-but-interested cock as he saunters in, laying on his back on the bed. It may have been midday but the demon never turned down a nap opportunity.

But it seems his body has other ideas.

All the fabric he's wearing starts to seem stuffy- which it really is even if he isn't turned on- and Crowley removes his glasses, letting the soft daylight hit his snake eyes and he hisses as he closes them in response.

Crowley realizes his mistake as Aziraphale's face swims to the forefront of his mind, and he groans and starts stripping his stuffy clothes off. He starts struggling with the buttons on the front of his top, before groaning louder and just miracling them off. If he ever did anything with Aziraphale, he'd like the angel to not miracle his clothes off, but undo his buttons one by one, like unwrapping a present-

Ahem.

Thinking about that had only gotten Crowley harder, and he rubbed a palm against his cock through his shorts. The pleasure coursing up his spine causes him to moan, tilting his head back against the pillow as his other hand fists in the sheets.

He needs to feel himself right now if it inconveniently discorporates him.

Crowley yanks down his shorts and tights to his thighs, cock popping out and slapping against his stomach. Getting a hand around it felt heaven-sent- uh, hell-sent- _whoever_-sent and he let out a low-pitched whine as, as before, he let his imagination take over.

_Aziraphale let out a whine underneath Crowley, who really hadn't even started touching him yet. It was- God forbid he ever say this out loud- cute._

_"Crowley, please," Aziraphale begs, canting his hips up. Crowley almost chuckles in response, but contains himself and attaches his mouth to the angel's neck, working on sucking a mark._

_"Ah!" Aziraphale exclaims, face flushing darker and hands fisting in the sheets. He wasn't supposed to- allowed to- touch Crowley, but it was getting very hard not to._

_"You like that, angel? You want me to talk to you, make you squirm?" Crowley speaks into the other's ear, on his hands and knees and being very careful not to touch his angel's body, only initiating points of contact once in a while to mark him up._

_"Please," Aziraphale moans again, hands moving to cover his flushed face._

_Crowley's eyes drag up and down the angel's naked body, and he smirks, eyeing his cock- hard against his stomach and already dripping._

_"You're so hard for me already," Crowley murmurs, snakey tongue flickering against Aziraphale's neck. "You like when I tease you, don't you? I bet you're absolutely aching for me, babe. I love pinning you down with nothing but my words, watching you squirm when you're not allowed to touch me."_

_Aziraphale actually squeaks, whole body flushing a dark color and wiggling around, making his cock smear precum over his own stomach. His hands move to grip the pillow beneath his head, head tilted and eyes squinted shut._

_"Oh, Aziraphale, angel. You can't even look at me, you get so flushed when I talk to you like this. I want to touch you all over and make you moan my name… but I love watching you desperate for me too much. You want to know what I want to do to you?"_

_"Please… tell me…" Aziraphale whispers, eyes now turning to lock onto Crowley's._

_"I want to spread you open and fuck you through the bed, until you can't even talk. Until all you can do is moan my name. You look delicious no matter what you're doing, even if you're just sitting in your chair and reading a book or whatever. Makes me want to bend you over the chair and make you cry, use you until I come and then leave you there. Or watch you touch yourself, making yourself squirm and moan while you know I'm watching-"_

_"Crowley, please touch me," Aziraphale moans, having only gotten harder and more turned on as the demon talked._

_"I am touching you," Crowley snarks, patronizing, as his lips skitter down Aziraphale's chest to latch onto a nipple and bite and suck at it._

_"Oh, don't tease, Crowley-" Aziraphale whines, canting his hips up as his cock slaps against his stomach and smears precum all over it._

_"No, I think I'll continue teasing you. It's just so nice to watch you squirm, begging for me, wanting any part of my body to touch yours so bad-"_

_"I'm- I'm- Crowley- _please_-" Aziraphale gasps, hands attaching themselves to Crowley's hair unbiddingly._

_Crowley tuts and moves back to his old position, hovering above the angel and not touching any part of him. "You know the rules, angel. No touching me, or maybe I'll have to bend you over my lap and spank-"_

_With that, Aziraphale is wailing Crowley's name and coming all over his stomach, barely untouched, but at Crowley's words and mouth alone._

"Ah! Aziraphale!" Crowley gasps out, back arching and head twisting as he comes all over his own stomach, the warmness hitting his stomach jerking him out of his fantasy. He continues to squeeze his cock until it's done spurting, then winces at the feeling and tugs his shorts back up, miracling the mess away.

Well, fuck. Not again.

He's going to have to tell the angel at some point.

But not now.

Instead, Crowley stretches and pops the muscles in his back, before taking a week-long nap and deep down, wishing Aziraphale well on his journey to Edinburgh.


	3. Paris, 1793

Paris, 1793

tags: masturbation, spanking, i dunno general bdsm-adjacent stuff, punishment?

also this assumes that zira has his bookshop at this point!

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_"I was reprimanded last month. They said I'd performed too many frivolous miracles! Got a strongly worded note from Gabriel."_

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This was one of the first times Crowley had come to save Aziraphale. It was lucky he was in the area, so to speak, to rescue the angel from the guillotine- ugh. Rescue. Even though it wouldn't kill Aziraphale, Crowley's sure it'd be hard to explain to Upstairs that the angel had gotten his head removed in such a way because he had gotten peckish. It would be hard enough to explain Downstairs, anyway.

And so he had come, paused time for him, even, to judge the angel for how he was dressed. He was also half-suspicious that the angel had done it on purpose, just to see Crowley- it had been a while since they'd seen each other.

And then Aziraphale had his explanation for _why_ he wouldn't just miracle himself out of this particular jam.

Crowley hadn't told the angel yet about his feelings- and he might never. If he goes without seeing the angel, he can only think innocent thoughts about the other- well, as innocent as "wow I miss him I wonder what he's up to" is. Which he definitely doesn't think about the angel. Nope.

Anyway.

So, avoiding the angel equals no lustful thoughts, so it wasn't like Crowley was _avoiding_ Aziraphale for the last 100 or so years… he was just… busy. And then Aziraphale got himself into this problem, and he couldn't miracle himself out because-

_"__I was reprimanded last month."_

Hngh.

That one- while not particularly sexual, it really only had been 100 or 200 years since the Hamlet Incident, and that memory at seeing the angel had jumpstarted his brain into "Punishment + Aziraphale?" mode, and he could only raise his eyebrows as he failed to give a response in time to the other being, which Aziraphale luckily just assumed was an invitation to elaborate.

_"__They said I'd performed too many frivolous miracles! Got a strongly worded note from Gabriel."_

At the mention of the particularly uptight angel, Crowley calms down to gather himself and manage a, "You're lucky I was in the area." _You're lucky I came here to rescue you because you're dumb but I lo-_

Then Aziraphale is asking what he's doing here, and Crowley gives some excuse about getting a commendation for the Revolution, not that he's been checking on the angel or anything, that'd be dumb.

So Crowley frees him, because how could he not, and asks the other out to lunch, just because and ONLY because it had been a while since he'd seen Aziraphale, not anything else, nope.

Aziraphale suggests crepes with a witty smile, and the two head out to a restaurant that didn't have the stench of dead bodies in it, somewhere far from the beheadings.

As they- or really, Aziraphale- starts eating his crepes he almost got inconveniently discorporated for, Crowley eyes him. He'd have to get larger sunglasses, ones that really covered his eyes because while these are fashionable, they don't do much to hide his eyes, which he's afraid will give too much away to the angel.

Granted, Aziraphale isn't very… attuned to Crowley's feelings, if the past thousands of years mean anything- he's sure he was clearly flirting at some points, and yet Aziraphale has said nothing.

Still.

He eyes the angel nonetheless, who is now making those noises that exacerbated Crowley's very first problem, that he makes every time they eat together. Really, it's Crowley's fault at this point that he chooses to eat meals with the angel, but how could he not?

"Mmm," the angel's eyes flutter closed as he puts a bite of crepe in his mouth.

Crowley's cock twitches in his pants.

"Can't believe you thought all that was me. Or my side," Crowley grumbles, eyeing his glass of wine.

"Well, to be fair, it seems more like the type of thing your side would do," Aziraphale responds primly, before eating another bite.

"God drowned all the locals besides Noah and his family because She was… I think you said 'tetchy'."

"… Point taken."

"No, s'all humans. They've come up with the worst stuff, all on their own! Y'know, I glue coins to sidewalks, or… or, make change around letters on signs! I don't… condone all that. They would've killed you! Well, inconveniently discorporated you."

Aziraphale shoots him a small smile. "Nice of you to care."

"I don't care," Crowley snaps, before softening at the responding look on the angel's face. "They would've given you a new body, wouldn't they? Wouldn't've been able to find you as easily, 'specially if you need to get _rescuuued_ again."

Aziraphale doesn't respond, but gives the small smile he always does and continues eating his crepes. And he goes back to making those noises.

Crowley shifts in his seat, back stretching as his gaze slides down Aziraphale's body. Despite the distracting conversation, the angel's comment from earlier keeps coming back to him-

_Reprimanded._

Mmm.

He'd like to take the angel over his knee and-

"Absolutely _lovely_ crepes," Aziraphale gushes, dabbing his mouth with a napkin and interrupting Crowley's really derailing train of thought.

"Glad to hear they were worth almost dying for," Crowley mumbles, not unkindly.

Aziraphale hears him, but doesn't reply, only rolls his eyes a little bit dramatically. "Are you ready to go, my dear?"

"Yep, yeah," Crowley sighs and gets up, placing whatever money on the table and sauntering after the angel out the door. They make idle chit-chat until they go their separate ways, sure to see each other 100 or so years from now. Can't hang out too often- they're an angel and a demon after all.

And so Crowley heads back to his flat in London. Alone. Again.

Turned on.

Again.

Crowley groans into the empty air of his place- far away from the beheadings, of course- as he wanders around. When he's not fermenting ill-will, he really doesn't have much to do- he doesn't read, and television hasn't been invented yet. He could go glue some coins to the ground.

Or. Think about Aziraphale.

He knows Aziraphale is a big softie, of course, but… there's just something about punishing the other that sends shivers down his spine, and he settles in a very-aesthetically-pleasing but not particularly comfortable armchair, back against the side and legs swung over the side.

He leisurely rolls his head around, cracking his neck as he mulls those thoughts over. He's sure he's long past feeling bad for thinking about the angel this way- he shoved those feelings down after the Rome Incident, and now he won't feel guilty. Besides, he's a demon, right? Lust is one of the sins, so maybe it's really demon-y to feel those things about Aziraphale?

Whatever.

A hand drifts down his body and slides over his abdomen, causing little sparks of pleasure.

"Mmm," Crowley moans quietly, deep in his throat, as his cock starts to get hard in his tights. Images of the angel bent over his lap float through his mind and he groans in response, tilting his head back and canting his hips up against his hand now on his tented crotch.

_Aziraphale had just arrived back at his bookshop, closing the door behind him with a huff. He takes a look around his bookshop- still dark- and uses what could hardly be called a miracle to light the candles around his desk._

_"__And where have you been, angel?" a voice comes from the dark, parts not lit by the candles, and Aziraphale starts, dropping the bag he was holding before._

_"__C- Crowley? Is that you?"_

_"__You didn't tell me you were going out, angel," the voice snarks. Yeah, that's Crowley._

_"__I- I only went out for a nibble, you were still asleep. I didn't want to wake you, I know how you love your sleep-"_

_"__Sssave the excuses, Aziraphale. And come over here."_

_Aziraphale gulps audibly and walks towards the voice, body tensing. His eyes adjust enough to let him see Crowley, manspreading and slouching on the couch._

_"__I don't especially love waking up alone, angel," Crowley bites out, the usually endearing nickname having an edge to it._

_"__I truly am sorry, my dearest-"_

_"__Aziraphale. I said, save it. C'mere," Crowley murmurs, one hand patting a thigh once for emphasis._

_Aziraphale flushes, visibly getting hard in his pants but coming towards the couch nonetheless, then he straddles Crowley's legs. Crowley tangles his hands in the angel's hair to tug him down for a rough kiss, biting down on the other's lower lip. Aziraphale gives a moan, hands coming up to rest on the demon's shoulders._

_"__Oh, no, you don't," Crowley growls, holding the angel's hands behind his back in one quick move before starting to suck a very visible mark on the other's neck._

_"__Crowley- please- don't tease-" Aziraphale gasps and moans, wriggling in the demon's lap as his hips start to rock against the other's abdomen._

_"__You don't get to beg when you left me this afternoon for a nibble," Crowley shoots back, getting impatient and guiding the angel to lay, stomach-down, across Crowley's thighs._

_"__Mmm. Should tie you up in bed and leave you there, see how you like it," Crowley grumbles, but he can feel Aziraphale's cock twitch against his thighs even through all the fabric, and smirks._

_"__Oh, I know you'd like that. Almost as much as you like it when I bend you over and reprimand you- although I don't use strongly worded notes."_

_Aziraphale grimaces at the mention of one angel from heaven who he'd really rather not think about during their time together, but those thoughts disappear as one of Crowley's hands drifts up the back of one of his thighs._

_"__Crowley," he practically whimpers into the arm of the chair as the hand reaches his ass and… gropes him._

_"__You ssshouldn't have left me," Crowley hisses, hand squeezing the other's ass as he feels the other's hips start to ever-so-slightly rock down against him._

_Aziraphale is so hot he can hardly think, pleasure building as he rocks his hips, but then inhales sharply in anticipation as the hand leaves his body._

_He takes another breath. And… nothing. He starts to squirm._

_"__Cro- ah!" Aziraphale cries out as Crowley's hand comes back down hard and sharp, directly on one of his asscheeks._

_"__You don't get a warning. Not when I didn't get one thisss morning," Crowley murmurs, grin turning wicked as his hand comes down again, on the other cheek, making the angel yell again._

_"__I- I- I'm sorry," Aziraphale gasps out, face pressed against the couch as he flushes as red as his ass is probably gonna be._

_"__Little late for that, angel. Gone _all day_," Crowley emphasizes with a couple more hard swats. "Out for more than a nibble, I presssume. Went for a lovely evening out. I wanted to wake up and climb on top of you-" A hard smack on the back of the angel's thigh causes a loud whimper- "And maybe ride you, maybe sssuck you, whatever. I had to take care of myself, instead."_

_"__Darling-" Aziraphale starts, but cuts himself off again, cock throbbing at the thought of Crowley touching himself, and as a sharp smack lands itself on his cheek._

_"__Maybe I'll spank you 'til you're really sssorry, then leave you here to take care of yourself, hm? Not touch you for at least a few daysss," Crowley threatens, but knows he can't follow through, especially when his angel is making such lovely noises. He rubs at the skin he's been spanking, sure it's red by now and drawing a quiet, pathetic moan from the angel it belongs to._

_"__I'm sorry," Aziraphale whines, cock leaking precum in his pants now as he rubs himself against the demon's thighs._

_"__Mmm," Crowley ponders, groping him again for a second longer, then continuing, "No, I don't think so." He tugs Aziraphale's shorts down, revealing his bare butt against the angel's light half-hearted protests. He doesn't wait for the angel to actually do anything before starting a flurry of hard smacks again, causing Aziraphale to cry out and his hands to tighten in the couch's fabric._

_"__Crowley- ah- please- mmm- I'm s- ah!" Aziraphale can't even speak, hits landing too fast and distracting him as tears start to well up in his eyes. His cheeks are on fire._

_"__Oh, that'sss cute, you tearing up," Crowley teases, but won't last long himself, having been very hard in his own pants at least since Aziraphale started kissing him. "Are you sorry for leaving me?"_

_"__Yes, yes, I won't do it again!" Aziraphale wails, bare cock now smearing precum all over Crowley's pants. "I promise, if I want to leave I'll stay or wake you up!"_

_"__That's what I like to hear," Crowley grins with his teeth, giving him one last playful (light) swat before sliding his finger towards Aziraphale's hole. "You got off on thisss, didn't you?"_

_"__Yes," Aziraphale moans as Crowley slides a (lubed by miracle) finger in and finds his prostate easily, rocking harder against the thighs beneath him. "Feels so- good-"_

_"__Could've felt this good if I'd woken up next to you," Crowley teases, but it's half-hearted as he starts to rub his finger against the angel's prostate._

_"__Yes- yes- I- I want- I'll- Crowley!" the angel wails differently this time, shooting all over Crowley's pants-_

"Oh, _fuck_," Crowley moans out emphatically, hips jerking up against his hand as he comes in his pants. He had forgotten. To take off his pants.

He swears again at the realization and the aftershocks, cock still spurting as he pants. He then groans as the pleasure turns into ugh-let's-stop-this, and miracles the mess away instead of changing. He's allowed to use frivolous miracles, fuck you.

And maybe, once again instead of dealing with his feelings for Aziraphale, he should take another nap.

A century should do it.


	4. St James Park, 1862

St. James Park, 1862

tags: masturbation (of course), angry masturbation (?), dirty talk, maybe a DROP of exhibitionism!

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_"Do you know what trouble I'd be in if- if they knew I'd been- fraternizing? It's completely out of the question!" "Fraternizing?" "Well, whatever you wish to call it."_

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Crowley slept for at least almost a century. He was planning on sleeping for the entire 19th century, actually- that French Revolution nonsense had really freaked him out, although he'd never admit it- but he had to wake up at some point to make sure the angel hadn't gotten himself into another spot of trouble.

And.

To ask him for a favor.

"If it all goes wrong, I want insurance."

Aziraphale doesn't agree. Thinks he wants it for suicide, which no, he doesn't.

_"Do you know what trouble I'd be in if- if they knew I'd been- fraternizing?"_

Crowley turns to look at the angel slowly, disbelievingly. Even their current row couldn't distract him from thinking… s_alacious _thoughts about Aziraphale. He'd love to tease him about heaven finding out about them, how _shameful _their relationship could be, but the way the angel said "fraternizing" made his blood boil in a different, more angry way.

"It's completely out of the question."

"Fraternizing?" Crowley hisses, having latched onto that particular word.

"Well, whatever you wish to call it. I do not think there is any point in discussing it further," the angel shoots back, and Crowley does think about what he wishes to call it. Not _fraternizing._

"I have lots of other people to _fraternize _with, angel," Crowley snaps, almost a threat. You're going to be pissy at me? Fine, I'll go think sexy thoughts about someone else.

They snap at each other for a few seconds more, Crowley mostly on autopilot now- he had become vulnerable, and got hurt for it, now his walls are back up with a vengeance- and the angel storms off, dramatically throwing away the paper that caused their fight.

"Obviously," Crowley mocks, mostly to himself, before sauntering angrily off.

Why didn't the angel understand why he wanted the holy water? This is what Crowley gets for waking up from his nap, really.

Better go back to sleep, then.

Crowley saunters angrily all the way back to his flat, where, once he gets inside, he (dramatically) throws down his cane and hat on the nearest flat surface.

_Fraternizing._

Even with his blood still boiling (maybe even literally?), he can't help but think about the context of the whole fraternizing sentence that he'd given it.

Aziraphale would absolutely _squirm_ under him if he teased the angel about heaven knowing about them-

And now he's turned on and angry.

Crowley groans and strips off his coat, heading to his bed to continue his century-long nap, and he'll be damned- blessed?- if he lets his anger at Aziraphale distract him from sleeping.

He snaps his fingers to strip to his underwear- sometimes it's underwear, sometimes it's actual sleepwear, it depends on nothing and anything- and lies face-up on the bed.

To his credit, Crowley tries very hard to go back to sleep for approximately two minutes before cursing and dragging his hands down his face. The angel is still on his mind.

Almost 6,000 years he had known Aziraphale. 6,000 years of enemies to almost friends, of teasing, fighting, almost-flirting, and getting to know each other, and the angel had called what they did with each other fraternizing.

It was infuriating.

Of course, the thought of Aziraphale whining at him because Crowley is teasing him makes his cock twitch in his underwear.

_"That turns you on, doesn't it? The thought of our bosses finding out about us. Getting in trouble-"_

"No, no, absolutely not," Crowley growls at himself, stubbornly ignoring his hardening cock. He wouldn't jerk off thinking about the angel, not now, after having a row with him.

Yet, oddly enough, now his frustration with the angel was intertwining with his growing horniness and, it's too late, the fantasy had already taken foot within his mind.

Not that thinking of their respective head offices was particularly sexy- Crowley grimaces at the thought of Hastur or Dagon- but just the threat, the implication of people knowing about how Crowley makes Aziraphale squirm like that-

Crowley's hand is rubbing at the tented front of his underwear before his brain catches up, and he groans out a, "Fine," to himself before fishing his cock out and stroking it slowly. His brain then launches itself back into the fantasy.

_"Crowley, don't say things like that," Aziraphale whines, squirming on top of the demon, bare except for a pair of underwear._

_"Aw, you like it when I say things like that. I want to take you for the whole world to see," Crowley growls possessively, fingers gripping the meat of the angel's hips._

_"Crowley," Aziraphale moans, head pitching back as he rocks down against the demon, cocks brushing each other through the fabric._

_"Worried about our head officesss finding out, love? Worried what they'll do?" Crowley teases, thoughts harkening back to the Reprimanded Incident._

_When Aziraphale gives a loud groan instead of responding, probably also remembering the Reprimanded Incident, Crowley's grip tightens and he continues, "I'm not worried. I'd take you right in front of our offices."_

_Aziraphale's cock jumps at the thought, and he moans out a pathetic, "Crowley…"_

_"Oh, you like that? Maybe I'll take you in public instead, hm? Let everyone see how much you want me. I could- mmm- suck your cock under the table next time we're out?" Crowley pants now, being affected just as much by Aziraphale's responses to his teasing._

_"That's- that's unthinkable-" Aziraphale gasps, eyes flying open to catch slitted eyes._

_"Is it, angel? You can't imagine me teasing at your legs with my foot all night, just to get you hot and bothered? Then, when the waiter turns away, slipping under the tablecloth and taking your hard cock out just to suck it until you come all over my face-"_

_"Crowley, don't talk like that," Aziraphale wails, cock getting impossibly harder and eyes squeezing shut as his body crumbles on top of Crowley._

_"I love how bothered you get when I talk to you like that," Crowley teases, hands moving to grip the angel's ass and use it as leverage to press up harder against him. Now he can feel all of the angel's body pressed up against him, and he moans as the angel's hands find Crowley's hair and tug on it._

_"Can feel how hard you are. I wanna take you on a picnic in the park and fuck you on top of the blanket for anyone to see, heaven or hell-"_

_"Nooo," Aziraphale moans, quietly, but his cock twitching against Crowley's tells a different story._

_"You're going to come all over yourself and me, aren't you? Thinking about them finding out about all the ways I turn you on? That all I have to do is put a hand on your thigh or somethin' and you're practically climbing me like a tree and begging me to fuck you?"_

_"Yes," Aziraphale suddenly gasps, face buried in Crowley's neck. "I- I love it when you tease me like that!"_

_"I barely have to do anythin'- I think I can jussst walk by and you're begging for it, ssspreading your legs wide for me and letting me do anythin' I want-"_

_"Crowley- don't stop-" Aziraphale's moans get louder and higher-pitched as his grip tightens in Crowley's hair._

_"Ohh, that'sss it. You're getting close? You're such a cute slut for me, riding me 'til kingdom come just because I teased you a little-"_

_"Crowley!" Aziraphale cries out, the front of his underwear becoming damp(er) as he comes on top of Crowley._

Crowley groans loudly into his pillow as he comes all over himself, hot spurts hitting his abdomen as he jerks his cock.

The pleasure siphons off as tucks his sensitive cock back into his underwear, and irritable snaps away the mess.

Despite his (very satisfying) session, his anger at Aziraphale trickles back until he finally falls asleep, angry at the angel and angry at himself.


	5. London, 1941

London, 1941

tags: masturbation for sure, dirty talk probably, saying crowley's name a lot, edging, blowjobs...

also YES this one does have a bonus scene w/ dom!aziraphale!

and i was holding myself at gunpoint not to make an anthony janthony joke, although i DO love that idea.

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_"Anthony?" "You don't like it?" "No, no, I didn't say that. I'll get used to it."_

{}

Did they have a fight, like, less than 100 years ago? Yes.

Is Crowley at least 90% sure that Aziraphale puts himself into discorporation-threatening situations just to have an excuse to talk to Crowley? Also yes.

And so Crowley, despite the Holy Water Fight, finds himself hopping over consecrated ground to save Aziraphale from bad spies and a conveniently-aimed bomb.

Even Aziraphale's hissed and practically malevolent for an angel, "What are you doing here?" wasn't enough to stop him from saving the angel- he could see it in Aziraphale's eyes that he wasn't really that put-out to see him.

Then the angel becomes defensive ("I should've have known- of course! These people are working for you!"), and Crowley skips right over that, getting in his chance to insult the spies that dared threaten his angel-

Ahem.

And they recognize him- "Mr. Anthony J. Crowley! Your fame proceeds you."- and the angel turns to him, incredulous. "_Anthony?_"

Even under threat of discorporation, the look on Aziraphale's face stings at least a little bit, and he asks, "You don't like it?" You can practically hear the "):" in his voice.

_"__No, no, I didn't say that. I'll get used to it."_

And just like that, images of the angel saying his name like a prayer enter his mind, and he unfocuses until Aziraphale asks, "What does the J stand for?"

Panic ensues, and he has to get his brain back online as he stutters, then, "It's just a J, really."

The bomb falls, Nazi spies are dead, he and Aziraphale are miraculously alive and despite his demonic nature Crowley saves Aziraphale's prophecy books. Even though he teasingly snaps a, "Shut up!" at the angel, he appreciates the look Aziraphale gives him when he hands him the books. He turns around after, "Lift home?" but he couldn't miss the heart-eyes that were boring into his back.

Of course, though, Aziraphale is an angel. He's supposed to love everything. Knowing about Crowley's… thoughts about him would probably disturb him, at the very least upset him.

Nope, he's just going to give the angel a ride back to his bookshop, and then he's going back to his flat to definitely wank one out.

Aziraphale joins him in the car, sitting in the passenger seat with his books in his lap. Although he doesn't say anything, Crowley can see the slight smile on his face and the way he holds his books, like he's truly treasuring them for the first time.

"Lucky I was there to divert a bomb. Can't believe you let those dim-wits double-cross you," Crowley grumbles. He did one nice thing and now he has to go wreak some havoc for a week or something to make up for it.

"In my defense, they were very convincing," Aziraphale replies defensively, face turning into a pout.

"Where- where did that woman say she wasss from again? Can you just remind me?"

There's silence, then a mumbled, "British Military Intelligence."

"Right. And you didn't asssk for an ID, or maybe proof that she had agentsss outside or-"

"I didn't think to ask! Why would someone lie about that?"

"She's a spy, Aziraphale!"

There's a sharp silence as he feels Aziraphale realize he's right, but now the angel definitely won't admit that a demon is right.

He can't let this encounter end in a fight like last time, though.

"S'alright. Lots of warsss recently- gotta be on your toes, and you can't be all the time. You're trusting. It's in your nature," Crowley trails off, slowing down from around 100 when he nears the bookshop. "Right, well. Stay safe. Ask for ID, and for someone's sssake, don't get bombed?"

"Yes, you too. Don't get bombed, I mean. You, also, don't get bombed- okay, good night!" Aziraphale flushes, then hesitates. "You don't want to come in for a drink, do you? Anthony?" he adds, clearly teasing.

The mention of his name sends a bolt down his spine, and normally Crowley would absolutely come in to see the angel get drunk, but his words from earlier and the images in his mind are now coming back and he shrugs, "'d love to, but I've got some evil deedsss to do now. Putting out street lamps, knocking over some bins, that sort of thing. Another time, though."

Aziraphale looks a bit put-out, but nods him a good night and heads inside.

Crowley lets out an emphatic "Fuck" and drives back to his own flat. He should've said yes, it's been almost 100 years and all he wants to do is get along with the angel-

He's still beating himself up over it as he heads inside his flat, eyeing the smoking city outside with distaste and plopping down in his throne at his desk. Now he gets to be lonely and mad instead of drinking with the angel, which usually proves to be an interesting time.

His eyes rake over his own desk, littered with half-scribbled notes on crumpled paper ("Coins glued to ground? Watch from a distance? … Hilarious. Must do more of that" "Re-arrange signs to say fun curse words- church signs especially funny" "Turning off electricity- great. Almost nobody has candles for light anymore. Very inconvenient"), and then back out the window.

The teasing way Aziraphale had said his name keeps pinging around his brain, and he groans as his cock starts to harden- this one's new. Although the image of the angel squirming underneath him and moaning his name like a mantra is enticing, the thought of the angel between his legs and saying his name like that, teasing him-

Crowley gasps as he puts that particular idea on the backburner- intriguing, but the soft way the angel looked at him earlier really makes Crowley want to imagine the angel saying his name repeatedly as he gazes up at the demon-

Okay, too soft, too tender, Crowley groans at himself as his hand stills against his cock. He hadn't even realized his hand had landed on the V of his pants, but over the past 2000 years or so, he's learned that thinking about Aziraphale and the things he says will quickly get his hand on or near his cock.

He's also long accepted the lustful thoughts- jerking off a few times, indulging the pleasures of the flesh, enough will do that- but hasn't quite explored the warm fuzzy feelings he has for the angel, and might not for another 100 years. Crowley couldn't quite separate the warm fuzzy feelings from the lustful feelings though, and thus, the fantasy quickly entering his mind as he pulls out his cock.

_"__Oh, Anthony…" the teasing lilt to Azirphale's voice had become begging, tinged with desperation as his hips rocked up._

_"__What's that, angel? Getting used to it?" Crowley grins teasingly as his fingers crook inside the angel._

_"__Mmm- maybe- I'll call you any name you like as long as you keep doing that- ah!" Aziraphale cries out as the demon's fingers hit that sweet spot inside him, back arching and cock slapping against his stomach._

_"__Wouldn't dream of ssstopping," Crowley hisses, pistoning his fingers against that same spot again and again, just to see the angel squirm as he loses control over most of his brain functions._

_"__AH! Anthony- Ant- mmm- ahhh- faster, Crowley, please, just- Anthony- right there- Crowley, you're going to make me- Crowley- don't stop-"_

_And it's because of the begging that Crowley does stop, unable to stop a malicious grin from spreading across his face at the desperate whine the angel makes in response._

_"__Anthony- Crowley- don't tease me like that," Aziraphale moans as one of his own hands slithers down his body, aiming to grip his cock._

_"__Absssolutely not," Crowley growls and takes both of Aziraphale's wrists in one hand, pinning them above his head. "I'm going to control when you come and you're going to like it, aren't you?"_

_"__Yes," Aziraphale moans, eyes fluttering closed, then flying back open. "But I want- I want to come, now!"_

_"__So whiny," Crowley rolls his eyes, feeling idly around the outside of the angel's hole, causing little twitches and whines to spill from his mouth. "I ought to gag you so you can't whine anymore."_

_At the thought, Aziraphale's cock twitches, and he moans out, "Crowley…"_

_"__Oh, you'd like that, right," Crowley murmurs, filing that thought away for later as he slides a single finger back inside the angel._

_"__More, please, Crowley!" Aziraphale gasps, hips bucking desperately back against Crowley's hand._

_"__Whiny and needy…" Crowley mumbles only half-intentionally, sliding another finger in but slowing down the pace._

_"__Anthony, please, I want it, I need it-" Aziraphale begs, tears threatening the corners of his eyes as his cock almost starts to hurt at how badly he wants to come._

_"__Oh, go ahead and cry," Crowley sneers, unfazed as his tongue flicks out to taste Aziraphale's lips. _

_Aziraphale's lip wobbles, but his eyes close and his brows draw up as he starts to get close. "Oh, _Anthony-_"_

_"__Nope," Crowley pops the 'p', drawing his fingers back out to draw a single, teasing finger up the underside of Aziraphale's flushed cock._

_Frustration courses through Aziraphale and he opens his eyes to glare up at the demon. "Crowley!"_

_"__Sssay my name," Crowley eyes the angel's cock, his own starting to ache to be buried inside the other being. He shuffles forward, knees scooting Aziraphale's thighs wider, just far enough away that he could slip his cock inside the angel if he thrust forward._

_"__Crowley," Aziraphale groans, eyes locked on the demon's cock. "Please, Crowley, make me come on your cock…"_

_Crowley tsks, "Who taught you to talk like that, angel? Ssso dirty."_

_"__Anthony," Aziraphale asks, clearly pleading._

_"__Mmm. Keep sssaying my name and I'll think about letting you come," Crowley says off-handedly, grip tightening around the angel's wrists._

_Aziraphale moans at the feeling, a dribble of precum leaking out of his cock. "Anthony… Crowley… Please, I want you…"_

_"__That's it, angel," Crowley teases, shifting his grip on the angel's wrists to link fingers with one of the angel's hands, then uses his other hand to very slowly slide his cock inside Aziraphale's hole._

_"__Crowley!" Aziraphale gasps, arching his back and very desperately trying to shove himself down faster onto the demon's cock. "Anthony, please!"_

_"__Mmm. Normally, I think I could keep you here for daysss, always on edge, never able to come. You're lucky I love the way you say my name ssso much," Crowley leans down to kiss his way inside the angel's mouth._

_Aziraphale responds eagerly, moaning Crowley's name each time they parted for breath they didn't really need._

_"__Anthony- just- right there, a little harder- faster-" Aziraphale starts to beg again, not able to concentrate on kissing the other as Crowley slides home inside him._

_"__That'sss it," Crowley hisses, hesitating before starting to fuck the angel hard and fast, just like he had been begged to._

_Aziraphale practically yells, not expecting the sudden onslaught, then starts to moan as one hand grips the sheets and the other tightens his hold on Crowley's hand. He starts to repeat Crowley's name almost sinfully like a prayer- "Anthony, Anthony, Anthony-" already getting close to the high he had been so close to before._

_"__That's right, you sound ssso good taking my cock," Crowley moans- unable to help himself- and tilts his head back, other hand tightening its grip on the angel's hip._

_"__Crowley, Crowley, Crowley- I'm going to- I can't help it- I'm- Anthony!" Aziraphale wails as he comes all over his stomach, Crowley's cock still hitting that perfect spot inside him on every thrust and sharpening his pleasure._

_Crowley had teased himself just as much as he had teased the angel, and only lasts a few more thrusts before-_

"Aziraphale!" Crowley yells, throwing his head back as he comes all over his hand. He keeps jerking his cock, teasing out every last bit of pleasure until he's too sensitive and he miracles the whole mess away.

He's making a habit out of this, he realizes with a scowl, as he heads to his bedroom to take a short nap.

{}

Crowley couldn't quite separate the warm fuzzy feelings from the lustful feelings though, and thus, the fantasy quickly entering his mind as he pulls out his cock.

_"__Anthony." The cadence in the angel's voice had turned sharp, commanding. Crowley's head snaps up to lock eyes with the angel, standing over him with his hands in his pockets._

_"__Aziraphale," Crowley murmurs, hands on his bare thighs, having stripped down to his underwear._

_Aziraphale tsks, running a hand through Crowley's close-cropped hair. "I do miss your long hair," he mumbles with a pout, fingers almost scrabbling to get ahold._

_Crowley's eyes flutter shut at the feeling of a hand in his hair. "I can grow it out again. Anything for you."_

_A smile graces the angel's face, pleased at first, then turns as malicious as an angel's smile can get as he gets a firm grip on the demon's hair and _pulls_._

_A startled moan escapes Crowley's throat, cock hardening in his underwear and eyes glazing over._

_"__Anthony. Be a good boy and suck my cock, will you?" Aziraphale murmurs, pressing his tented crotch to Crowley's mouth, who happily starts sucking on the fabric._

_"__Crowley, don't tease," Aziraphale threatens without words, and Crowley flushes, undoing the angel's pants with his teeth (and a little miraculous help) as his hands tighten around his own thighs._

_"__Anthony…" Aziraphale moans as the demon takes the angel's cock into his mouth. Instead of teasing, which he knew he would get punished for (although what's so bad about that?), Crowley immediately slurps down the other's cock, tongue flattened against the underside as he sucks, hard._

_"__Anthony!" Aziraphale yelps, proceeding to moan the demon's names over and over again as Crowley bobs his head._

_Crowley moans at the heady pleasure of sucking Aziraphale's cock, sparks shooting down his spine as more and more blood rushes to fill his own cock. He itches to touch himself, but he knows he's not allowed, so he whines instead, putting himself more enthusiastically into sucking the angel's cock down to the root- if he makes Aziraphale come, maybe Aziraphale will let him come._

_"__Crowley… Oh, Anthony, your mouth feels incredibly good… Crowley… Mmm, Anthony, don't stop, whatever you do, Anthony-" Aziraphale moans, starting to thrust his hips, clearly trying to get his cock deeper down Crowley's throat, even though it may not be possible._

_Crowley wants to beg the angel to come down his throat, but he can only (really fake) choke on his cock, tears threatening the corners of his eyes- all for show, of course. Anything for his angel._

_"__Crowley, I'm going to… you're going to make me… Mmm, Crowley, don't stop!" Aziraphale starts to wail, head tilted back and hand gripping Crowley's hair to use his mouth. "Crowley, Crowley, Crowley, I'm- Anthony- Anthony, don't- Crowley!" Aziraphale moans, long and loud as he comes down the demon's throat. Crowley happily swallows, content to suck on the angel's softening cock until he pushes the demon away, panting and recovering._

_Aziraphale drops to his knees and kisses Crowley, putting a hand on the demon's tented underwear, palming at his aching cock._

_"__Crowley, you did so well- oh, Anthony, why don't you come for me, darling? Please, Crowley," Aziraphale murmurs into the demon's neck._

_Crowley can only last so long with the angel's lips on his neck, sucking a mark, and his name so sweetly whispered, and he stutters out a moan of the angel's name as he comes in his underwear-_

"Aziraphale!" Crowley yells, throwing his head back as he comes all over his hand. He keeps jerking his cock, teasing out every last bit of pleasure until he's too sensitive and he miracles the whole mess away.

He's making a habit out of this, he realizes with a scowl, as he heads to his bedroom to take a short nap.


	6. Post-Apocalypse

Post-Apocalypse

tags: a tad bit of dirty talk, blowjobs, handjobs, eatin ASS

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_"We are here to lick some serious butt!"_

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The apocalypse almost happened, to keep it short. Crowley's at least 90% sure that he and Aziraphale didn't actually do anything to stop the apocalypse, seeing as the human couple stopped World War III, and Adam just didn't start the apocalypse, but… still. He stopped time, at least.

Nonetheless, they avoided Heaven and Hell's fates for them by switching bodies- a stroke of genius from Agnes Nutter- and so after their lovely lunch at the Ritz- well, lovely mostly for Aziraphale, the one actually eating- they headed back to Aziraphale's bookshop to get smashed, because what else do you do after escaping death?

Of course, it was when they were tipsy enough that they could be a little freer with their words, but not so drunk they knew they'd forget the night in the future, that the teasing slipped out.

"Lick some serious butt? Really, Aziraphale? It's a common saying, must've been around for at least a hundred years," Crowley gestures with his drink, unminding of the liquid threatening to slosh over the side. Before Aziraphale can muster the brain cell needed to reply, Crowley continues, "Well, I s'pose in your defense, all the… wordsss you say are from over a hundred years ago anyway."

"Wh- that's not true!" Aziraphale exclaims, clearly offended as his head snaps up from staring into his drink.

"Tickety-boo," Crowley states. No follow-up, no addition, just a statement.

Aziraphale scowls, the word slowly filtering through his brain before realizing Crowley might be right.

"Nah, it'sss- s'a Freudian slip? Mmm. Never liked Freud, though. Serious issues, that guy," Crowley frowns.

"Are you- are you _implying_-" Aziraphale starts, clearly bothered but unable to articulate his thoughts clearly. He adjusts himself in his seat, not paying attention to his glass either as some liquid almost sloshes over. "Im- implying that- I said that because- I wanted to… to do- to do that?"

"Mmmyes," Crowley replies, snake eyes trained on his own glass now.

"I don't- I've never, ever… thought about- the fact that you would insin- insun- _say_ that! The nerve!" Aziraphale exclaims, eyes narrowed and glaring at the demon.

"What, you've- been on Earth thousands of years and never even thought about doin' somethin' like that? You love Earthly stuff, angel. You haven't ssseen- seen a sssingle soul you wanted to do somethin' like that with?" Crowley asks, skeptical.

Aziraphale's scowl lessens, something entering his eyes that the demon can't quite place. "That's- beside the point! I don't- I mean, not- I-" He's sputtering now, already red-with-drink face flushing darker.

Crowley decides to save the angel from himself. No time like the present when they're drunk, right? "C'mon, angel. I've thought about sssomeone like that. No big deal. Okay, I've shared, now you… you share."

"You-" Aziraphale's brain seems to have finally broken. He stares at Crowley, eyes as wide as saucers, before Crowley snaps his fingers at him and he restarts. "Who?"

"Hmmm?"

"Who did you- you think about?"

Crowley pauses, flashes of the past 2000 years skipping through his mind. Aziraphale making a seemingly innocuous comment, then Crowley going back to his abode alone to deal with his body's reaction. The fleeting pleasure before the loneliness he can't avoid with even a nap. And before his brain can think about possible consequences- "You."

Silence.

Crowley's staring hard into his drink. Even this drunk, he doesn't think he can bear looking his friend in the eye at this moment. If only Aziraphale would make even a sound, make a sign that he heard him-

He suddenly finds himself with a lapful of angel, a moment after he heard glass hit the carpet with a thud and a moment before his own glass hits the carpet with another thud. Aziraphale grasps his face with both hands and plants his lips on the demon's, the kiss messy and tasting of the wine they had been drinking at first, then becoming a little smoother as the fact that _Aziraphale is kissing him_ processes through Crowley's mind.

"You- you too?" Crowley manages to gasp between kisses, and Aziraphale nods frantically the best he can while still kissing the demon.

"W- wait-" Crowley murmurs, and Aziraphale moves back immediately, hands hovering awkwardly in the air as hurt enters his eyes.

"No, no, I don't- I want you," Crowley blurts, and the hurt turns to confusion. "I j- just- too drunk f'r thisss," he grumbles.

"If we- if we sober up," Aziraphale mumbles. "Do you still- you'd still- you know."

"Of course I still want you," Crowley snorts, steadying himself with hands on the angel's hips as they both sober up. _I've wanted you for 6000 years._

Once their heads are clear, there's quiet, neither of them quite willing to make eye contact. "S'pose I'd better- brush my teeth or somethin', I dunno," Crowley makes a half-hearted attempt at a joke, tasting gross hangoverness in his mouth.

"I've waited long enough," Aziraphale replies, surprisingly, tilting the demon's chin head up with two fingers and looking at him with a soft smile. "I don't mind."

And so they start kissing eagerly again, now unhindered by drink, Aziraphale's fingers threading through Crowley's hair, and Crowley's hands gripping Aziraphale's waist.

Crowley can't wait anymore, like Aziraphale said, and moves his lips to the angel's neck, hands frantically unbuttoning his layers of clothing.

"Why- do you wear- so many bloody layersss?" Crowley hisses, teeth nipping as the angel's top outer layers come off, until he's just in his undershirt.

"How long?" Aziraphale asks, voice strangely unaffected. Crowley needs to fix that.

"At leassst since Rome. The way you were eating those oysters was positively sssinful, angel," Crowley murmurs, leaning back to admire the mark he had made on Aziraphale's neck.

"Oh? Did you- did you like watching me? Is that why you ran away from me so quick? Couldn't wait to get alone and- mmm- do what?"

"Touch m'self," Crowley mumbles, removing his own shirt and unbuttoning the angel's pants. "Happened a few times, actually." He wasn't making eye contact with Aziraphale, too embarrassed to look him in the eye and say he jerked off thinking about him. He couldn't see the way the angel's pupils dilated, or feel his cock twitch as it hardened. "You would say somethin', and, well… I know you didn't mean it that way. My body took it that way, though. Only happened a few times though, I swear, I- I wanted to feel you instead."

"Oh, for-" Aziraphale almost swears as he just snaps away their remaining clothing, cock now out and rubbing against Crowley's stomach.

"Well, why didn't you just do that in the first place?" Crowley complains, but it's half-hearted as his eyes now train on the angel's cock.

"I suppose you were going too slow for me," Aziraphale chuckles, ignoring Crowley's slightly offended look to plant another kiss on his lips. Crowley rolls his eyes, snake tongue flickering at the angel's lips before sliding inside to tease at the other's tongue. Aziraphale moans, hips bucking forward before leaning his head back and panting as his cock slides against the demon's.

"That thing you said earlier… about licking some serious butt," Crowley says idly, one hand taking both their cocks in hand and stroking them. "If the apocalypse wasn't happening, I'd've been out of there in a second, couldn't stop thinking about bending you over and-"

"Crowley," Aziraphale whines, and it's everything the demon fantasized about, but better.

"C'mon, angel. Let me make you feel good," Crowley purrs, hand quickening on the angel's cock.

"Crowley- please-" Aziraphale begs, eyes fluttering closed. The next thing he knows, he's on his back on the couch and the demon has his cock down his throat.

"Crowley!" the angel yells, unable to even buck his hips up as Crowley has his hips pinned to the couch with his hands. "Oh, _Crowley_…"

Crowley pops Aziraphale's cock out of his mouth to tease, "Angel," before sliding a pointed tongue down to tease at the angel's entrance.

"Crowley-" Aziraphale yelps as the forked tongue teases around his entrance, making the nerve ends light up.

"Tell me, angel. Have you ever been with anyone?" Crowley asks, flicking his tongue against his hole.

"No," Aziraphale whines, squirming. "It's only ever been you I've… thought about."

"Have you ever- touched yourssself before?" Crowley asks, tongue then working its way inside the angel.

"I- I've been tempted, by you, but… it seemed… wrong," Aziraphale whispers. It really had- he enjoyed other Earthly pleasures, but there was always something about… pulling out his cock and touching himself, especially while thinking about a _demon_.

Of course, they're on their own side now.

Crowley just hums in response, vibrations running up his tongue and making the angel moan delightedly. Although the thought of the angel touching himself, thinking about Crowley, makes the demon squirm, the thought of Aziraphale's first orgasm happening because of Crowley makes him moan and thrust his tongue deeper, trying to find that spot.

This being Aziraphale's first makes him incredibly sensitive, and the second Crowley gets his snake tongue deep enough to press against the angel's prostate, he wails, cock spurting out a bit of precum.

Crowley slips a hand up to slide two fingers through the mess, then grasps the angel's cock with slick fingers, massaging and stroking.

Aziraphale can't stop moaning, head tossing back and forth and neatly manicured fingernails scrabbling at the couch. "Crowley- don't stop, I- I'm going-"

Crowley doesn't stop, insistently tonguing at the angel's prostate and teasing the head of his cock, all the while humping his own hips against the couch, comfortable fabric (not like Crowley had at home) feeling really good against his aching cock.

"Crowley!" Aziraphale cries out, back arching and pleasure filling his body as he comes all over his abdomen.

Crowley continues teasing the angel's hole until he starts to whine, hips gently jerking with aftershocks. He lets up, dragging his tongue through the mess on Aziraphale's stomach before capturing the other's mouth with his own. He also slides a hand down to stroke his own cock, having been aching for a long time at this point.

Aziraphale recovers enough of his sense to reach down, a hand covering Crowley's to stroke along with him, eyes now sliding up and down Crowley's squirming body. Crowley can only take so much with the angel's hand on his sensitive cock, and he lets out a groan of Aziraphale's name as he comes, joining the mess on the angel's stomach.

Crowley collapses on top of the angel, face finding its way into Aziraphale's neck as he recovers.

"I suppose it… goes without saying, at this point, but… I'm in love with you, you know," Aziraphale murmurs into the demon's hair.

"I… love you too, angel. Have for… a long while, just… accepted it recently. Maybe during the Apocalypse. Nothin' like the end of the world to jumpstart your feelings, I s'pose," Crowley murmurs thoughtfully.

Aziraphale smiles, idly snapping away the cooling, drying mess on his stomach (now smeared on Crowley's stomach). "Did you really… touch yourself… thinking about me?"

"Oh, I imagined doing all sorts of things with you, angel. We have eternity to ourselves, now, and we can do anything."

"I suppose we do."

{}

wahoo thats the end! am i 100% sure crowley would eat ass straight away? no. is it funny tho? absolutely.


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